Saying goodbye before we could say hello - The story of our 2nd baby.

As the title suggests, I do not get to hold my baby in my arms. This child of mine is growing up in Heaven.

Let me start from the beginning with our hope for this little life.

Last summer I remember a sense of peace falling on us. Shortly after Maverick turned 2, he really started talking to us and communicating more clearly. We felt peace about having another baby, so we began to try. It took us 5 months to get pregnant with Maverick so I was prepared (and felt kind of relaxed) that it may take some time. I was trusting God's timing rather than trying to plan it all on my own. I just kept getting period after period, but I just still continued to trust God. I knew it would happen eventually. 

Around February I started to get a little more desperate and started trying to do as much as I could to take care of myself to help it work. All the vitamins, all the avoiding plastics, all the avoiding chemicals, timing it correctly… and everything else I could think of.

In March I found out that my sister was pregnant. The day she told me I was already late. And while I was so excited for her, I was also in the middle of this fertility journey so I just had all the feels about it… but later that night I got my period again. 

"Just keep trying!" she said. We were so excited to have babies together!

That next month was a little crazy. My husband was in his first year as a junior accountant and it was the middle of tax season. He was working 11-hour days and extra hours on the weekends, and I was just surviving, taking care of our toddler solo. But somehow… we found a few times to try.

I really didn't have high hopes that month, but I always kind of wondered, MAYBE THIS TIME!?!?!?!?

I only had 1 pregnancy test left. We are in a season of living off of less, trying to save money in every way possible, so I was not going to waste a pregnancy test unless I knew it was probably going to be positive. And so in April… I found myself 5 days late. I had been 5 days late before! But this time felt different. I remember having some wild cravings for a beer… which only ever happened to me when I was pregnant with Mav… I also remember just being very rageful, which was another thing that happened with Mav….

I didn't even film a cute reaction video or anything. I just LOOKED AT THE TEST and it was positive!!! So I went out to the living room and showed my husband. He played dumb like he couldn't read it, lol.

I immediately FaceTimed my sister. We both cried. We were having babies together!!! 7.5 weeks apart!

The start of my pregnancy was pretty chill. Until the nausea hit full blast and I began the first trimester of ‘suffering.’ I had one day where I got so sick and was having wild cramps. I was worried about the baby, but my body just evacuated everything from within itself while I was at the baseball fields with my husband and son. There was minor talk of miscarriage with my midwives because of the cramping, but she kind of said it is probably just GI issues, and that's what it seemed to be!

I survived my first month of pregnancy and then I was booked for the 8-week ultrasound. I ended up booking at 8 weeks 5 days as I remember last time Mav was just looking like a tiny little gummy bear, and I wanted to see this baby slightly bigger so I accepted the later date offer.

I went to the ultrasound on May 11th by myself. You are not allowed to bring children so Eric stayed home with Mav, and I confidently went on my own. I don't think I had any idea that anything could go wrong… However, I do remember at the beginning of the pregnancy I had this odd feeling I was not going to get to meet this baby and I hate that I had that. It just felt like doubt. I was surely trapped in my mega nauseous pregnant body for the long haul.

At my ultrasound I got in quite quickly and the technician was thorough and honestly just kind of wearing an emotionless face as she did my ultrasound. She pushed on my super full bladder for a while and said, "Okay, I can see the baby, but your uterus is tipped back a bit, so would you be comfortable with a vaginal ultrasound?" And I was just kinda like… "Sure…." And then she told me I could go pee first and I was like, "YES!" Haha.

Honestly it was much better. I was covered by a sheet and it wasn't uncomfortable at all. The technician continued with her blank face and keyboard clicking, and then she asked me, "Were your periods regular?" and I was like… "Yes!" Even though maybe they are a bit irregular, I didn't think they were significantly off. Then she told me that I was meant to be measuring 8 weeks and 5 days, but that the baby was actually measuring 6 weeks and 2 days. She turned the screen and I saw my little one. 

I saw the heart beating. I saw the yolk sac, and everything looked pretty normal, except the heartbeat looked slow to me. She then confirmed the things she was seeing with a higher-level doctor while I got dressed, and when she came back she said we should schedule another ultrasound for 2 weeks from now to see if there is 2 weeks of growth. Perhaps we just happened to conceive later in my cycle! 

On the way out the door I was like, "Oh, can I get a photo?" And she said, "Oh, do you want one?" 

And I was like, "Yes." Yes, I do. Gimme that photo.

I needed something to pray over.

So I walked back to the car kind of slowly. I didn’t know how I should feel. I didn’t want to entertain that something might be wrong. But I called my midwives and left a message in detail about everything that I saw and was told.

They got back to me shortly after and they were hopeful. Seeing a heartbeat was a big deal. Perhaps I just conceived later in my cycle! Maybe my baby would come in January and I would just have the longest 1st trimester ever! All I knew is that the situation felt a bit desperate.. and so I messaged very many friends who pray. It was a bit awkward… announcing a pregnancy but with a prayer request. But I was a desperate Mama. My baby just needed to grow. I would do whatever it took. I even weaned my toddler after nearly 3 years.

My midwife called again the next day once she received the results. The only thing I was interested in hearing was the actual heart rate. Because to my eyes it looked slow. And I remember seeing Mavs. It was hammering. But not this baby. And my midwife told me that the heart rate was measured at 67bpm. And she said that if the embryo was truly 5-6 weeks of age that was the time that the heart was beginning to beat and sometimes it can fluctuate and be a bit up and down as its learning to beat so it wasn’t a sure thing that something was wrong… but that it also could be a miscarriage. But it was best to hold onto hope.

So at this point I was hearing a lot of “it could be totally fine!” but also a lot of “this could be a miscarriage” and “if you start bleeding let us know” and… I was just trying to hold onto hope. But I also felt afraid to do so. I wanted so badly to have a sibling for my son… but I kind of just felt like this desperate prayer come out of me… God if something is truly wrong with this baby I just want you to take it home. Because… my child. My sweet baby does not deserve a life of suffering all so I can see their face.

The two weeks waiting were some of the longest 2 weeks of my life. And I had nearly every sign of miscarriage along the way except for excessive bleeding. I had some very very very minor spotting while we were on a weekend visit to Victoria but it stopped. I just had no idea. I was vomiting all the time, so my body was still acting very pregnant and I just had to hold onto hope. It was not just about me… it was a community of people praying for us. It was family. It was my life group. It was my church. Surely God would not allow this to end in tragedy.

When the day finally came to have our 2nd ultrasound I had a dear friend come babysit Mav so Eric could join me this time. The ultrasound technician was very kind. She already knew the story and everything that was seen last time. She was hopeful as we had seen a heartbeat. She got me up on the bed and began to push on my very full bladder. She moved it around a bit and then she said “its just difficult to see so I’m going to do a vaginal ultrasound if that’s ok?” So I got to go to the bathroom again and got myself resituated. And lay there. And truly… I just didn’t have a lot of hope left. Her face was blank. She was not looking hopeful. And after some deafening silence she said to me..

“I’m not seeing what I am hoping to see here”

My heart sank so hard.

She said the baby was measuring 6 weeks and 2 days and there was no longer a heartbeat.

She then told me I could get dressed and left the room.

Left me naked and alone.

And I just began to weep. With this screen of photos of an empty looking womb just open to me. Burning a hole in my memory. I could still see my baby… but much less clearly. Sometime in the past 2 weeks my baby had passed away but my body still held on.

My husband was texting me.. can I come in soon? And I just said

Bad news babe

That’s how my husband found out.

II got dressed and another doctor came in to talk to Eric and me. He gave us a very well-practiced speech. "This is not your fault. This happens to about 30% of pregnancies."

We walked back to the car pretty quietly. I didn't really know what to do. 

But I began to learn what it truly meant to have a miscarriage. And I hate that I had to learn.

Nothing could have prepared me for how it felt to be carrying a dead baby in my womb.

I had some chats with both of my midwives. They have both lost babies and they know the ache. I was given three options:

1. Wait for my body to recognize the failed pregnancy and let go of the baby naturally.

2. Take some pills to make the process happen in 24–48 hours.

3. Book a surgery to have my womb vacuumed out (a dilation & curettage, or D&C).

Now I will be honest. None of these options seemed good. Like, this was a decision I did NOT want to make. At all. So I flip-flopped back and forth 1,000 times. To get options 2 or 3, I would have to book with the Early Pregnancy Assessment Center and go in for a visit before I was given the pills or could book a D&C. At first I read a bunch of stories about D&Cs and it seemed like the least traumatic option. But a very feral and intense part of me wanted to see my baby so badly. I didn't want to voice that, so we kind of waited a couple of days. I've always been someone who needs time to make big decisions. Eric thankfully got 5 days of bereavement leave, and honestly… with a toddler… we had a very good distraction from our grief. We went to some parks as a family… of four. :'(

Eventually I couldn't do it anymore. I was still vomiting all the time and I felt that I couldn't carry my deceased child inside of me any longer, so we made the decision to book an appointment to get some pills to "terminate the pregnancy."

I felt so sick that morning. I threw up everything I ate, even celery, which was one of my literal only safe foods in pregnancy. We made the drive out to BC Women's Hospital with Mav in tow. He understood that Mama needed to see a doctor and he was a good little sport about the whole thing.

I sat there listening to the EPAC lady talk about what to do and what to expect, and she yammered on for about an hour, and my husband told me that I just looked like I wasn't hearing anything… so he was convinced that I was the reason that she just kept repeating herself over and over again, but I was like, "Babe, I just think she likes to yap and she couldn't remember what she already said, so she said it 3 times each." 

She did tell us that Mav was beautiful about 10 times and I didn't get tired of hearing that. I think I ended up repeating to her nearly three times, "I just need this to be over." 

"I'm ready to let go."
"I can't carry a dead baby any longer."

She told me only once, though… that sometimes people do see the embryo… and that it is a very normal reaction to flush it down the toilet.

Eventually she gave us a prescription (which is the same thing people take for an abortion, which felt so heavy to my already battered soul) and sent us on our way to the pharmacy. The pills were free… the price was $254, but I guess it's free. To everyone.

When we got home I transferred my napping toddler to his bed… which is a miracle.

I pulled out the first pill I was supposed to take. It was one that would slow my pregnancy hormones. I had to take it 24 hours before taking the rest. 

I felt so hesitant. I just stared at the pill for far too long. "What if the baby is still alive?" I asked Eric… and he said, "Honey, the baby is gone." Then I asked my husband to pray. So he did. He prayed over the pill, and over my body. 

And then I took it and literally burst into tears. We went out onto the patio and he held me in our big chair while I cried. It was just such a horrible situation.

I felt peaceful, though. Somewhat. I knew that it wouldn't be long. My body would do what it needed to do with a little help. I would meet my baby soon. We went back inside and decided to play chess together… and I beat him for the first time in our entire relationship! 

The next morning I was bleeding more than I had the entire time. Nothing serious, but it was clear that things were moving along. We stayed home all morning. I showered. For some reason I put on a dress. I felt like I wanted to look nice when I met my baby.

At 1:30 pm I took a dose of painkillers, and then at 2:30 pm I took the rest of the pills that terminate the pregnancy. I had to lie in bed for 30 minutes to an hour while they did their thing. Some people don't have anything happen for 24 hours… I got a little antsy and started chasing Maverick around the house. We played hide-and-seek. And he chased me like the little baby dino that he is. We laughed, and truly had a bit of fun. 

I got hungry so Eric ordered some pizza and he was planning to go pick it up on his own, but I kind of thought… Well, I don't really want to be alone… but also, nothing's happening yet, so maybe we could all go for a walk to get the pizza. We packed Mav into the stroller and it was about 5 pm at that point, and we made our way up to Domino's. It was not a long walk. But about 30 seconds in I started having some cramps. I didn't think too much about it, but I did have a moment where I was like… maybe I should turn around?

We made it to Domino's and then we circled around and took a different street back, because there was a ton of construction on our street… 

Mav somehow fell asleep in the stroller. We were like… NOOOOO, because it was about 5:15 and we were not in the mood for a late toddler nap… 

Eric picked Mav up out of the stroller and was trying to yap to him and not hold him comfortably enough for him to fall asleep… and then I had some more big cramps. Truly they weren't that painful, but I knew something might start happening… then like 15 steps later I felt a gush.

And then it just kept gushing.

And I was trying to tell Eric… it was starting.

If you don't like blood, and loss, and hurt, I suggest you don't read further. Please feel free to leave. I lost the baby. It was horrific.

So Eric was like, sort of afraid but sort of like, "I WOULD HAVE GOT THE PIZZA BY MYSELF!" And I was like, "It's fine! It's fine… oh crap… I think it's leaking down my leg…. Is it leaking down my leg, babe?????!"

All we had in the stroller was a random long-sleeve shirt of Maverick's… so I grabbed it… and started cleaning up my legs on the side of Lougheed Highway. Then I stuffed the shirt between my legs and waddled back home, continuing to feel it gush and drip.

When I got home I retreated to the bathroom and Eric tried to start to get Mav ready for bed. What unfolded next can only be described as a crime scene. 

There was just so much blood. When I sat down a large blood clot fell out of me and I fished it out of the toilet with my bare hands… like an animal… I just wanted to see my baby. And I thought that I did see it. I started wailing. This was so much worse than I imagined. There was blood all over the floor and all over my hands and all over the toilet, and then my toddler BURST through the door… and I just yelled at him to "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!" And man. His little face was so shocked. I again felt like such an animal.

I was supposed to monitor the blood loss with a pad. If I filled more than 2 regular pads in an hour that was too much blood and I would need to go to emerg. So I took a quick shower and rinsed the blood off my legs as best I could and then tried to get some new underwear and a pad to measure the flow. But it honestly just kept gushing. I stood there and felt like it would maybe take 5 minutes tops for my body to fill this pad. So I reached out to my midwife. I just called her straight up because I knew which one was on call. She told me to try a bigger pad and in 15 minutes send a photo of it. And so I found 2 absolutely massive pads from my postpartum time with Maverick. Those were the only big pads I had left. 

I felt it fill up so fast. I don't know if it was even 15 minutes, but I made the decision that we needed to go to the hospital. Quickly. 

I called a dear friend who doesn't live far away, who had told me she was available and would help with Mav if we needed anything at all. She was there in 15 minutes. I also called a neighbour who lives downstairs from me and she came a bit sooner, but I thought we might need to go right away.

I put on the last pad I had and we said the saddest goodbye to our toddler. He was so strong. He was trying so hard to get out and come with us. Just wailing. I told him he had to be brave and that Mommy needed to see a doctor and that we would be home later. 

We left him screaming and headed to Burnaby Hospital.

Now, being someone who is trying to spend as little money as possible, I asked my husband to drop me off at Emerg and go park on this hill that I know to be cheaper than the actual hospital parking lot. When you're thrifty, you're thrifty, alright?

Can I say that somehow I had peace in this? Maybe not in this first moment, of course…

I waddled into Emergency thinking my pad was probably overflowing already… there was literally only one person in line. Never in my life have I gone to Emerg and seen it practically empty. I stood there waiting for the one young man who had clearly just cut his hand badly enough to be there, but he seemed fine. He sat down in some chairs and the receptionist took a very long time — maybe 3 minutes — to call me forward. I sat down in the chair and handed her my care card and said, "I am having a miscarriage and I am bleeding very badly." She took a few more details, put a bracelet on me and told me to go sit. So I went and sat two chairs away from Mr. Cut Hand.

That’s when I felt like my dress might be wet. I stood up and pressed my hand to my backside and it came back covered in blood. At this moment my husband walked in and the triage lady called me up to check my vitals. 

I had to be like… "I'm sorry, I am bleeding so much, I bled all over the chairs." She sent a young girl to grab me a diaper. She came back with a pad so I could sit on the chair, a bunch of diaper things, a bag for my blood-soaked clothes, and a hospital gown.

Eric went with me to the bathroom to help me change into a diaper. It was his first time witnessing the blood bath with his own eyes. Another massive clot came out of me in that bathroom, and he got me in a diaper and some hospital undies that go over top, and then helped me into the gown. The girl who brought us everything got me in a wheelchair and brought us over to gyno.

They gave us a private room, which was honestly so great, but across from our room was an old woman who was just moaning with every breath. So all of the nurses that came into the room to help me were also dealing with a bit of drama across the way… I can't even describe how I felt other than like… sort of high? I just kinda was saying funny things… things that made my husband laugh. Like… I had joy? He called me a clown multiple times. I was asking these nurses as they took blood what their names were and telling them not to poke me in the wrong spot. I told them that I thought my veins were all a bit hidden from the massive amount of blood that had come out of me.

Thankfully my nurses both hit veins on the first try for an IV and a blood test.

And then… everything just settled down.

I started to pray out loud for the lady across from me. I started to sing, "It Is Well with My Soul" — and not in an emotional way… almost in a silly way. Like max vibrato. I don't know what was going on, but all I know is that the joy of the Lord was my literal strength as I was lying in a hospital, bleeding out, and losing my 2nd baby. Eric sang with me. "When peace like a river attendeth my way…"

Telling this story almost feels like I am talking about someone else.

I also lay there worrying about Mav. Worrying about how he saw me covered in blood and how I had screamed at him. Worrying about how he would be able to go to bed without us. I knew he was in good hands, but I just didn't know if he would ever relax that night. We just never leave him.

Eventually the doctor came in and did an ultrasound on me, checking for any excessive bleeding happening from somewhere strange inside me. Everything looked good — praise God. And my bloodwork came back looking pretty good too. I somehow wouldn't need a blood transfusion. I guess I just have a boat load of blood. 

So then the nurse was like… "Okay, you can get dressed and follow me." So I was like… "Alright." And got into some sweats and we went to a random waiting area. They hooked me up to an IV to give me some fluids and I started to feel better pretty instantly. Besides the ache of loss. But the IV seemed to take forever. The drip, drip, drip. I just was like…. When will this end? When can I go home to my son? When am I going to see my baby?…

And then the IV finally finished but no one came to unhook me… so I decided to get up with my IV and find a bathroom. I hadn't checked on the situation since we arrived at the hospital. So I wheeled myself just around the corner from the waiting area…. and it occurred to me that I totally could have gone pee in my diaper, lol…

As soon as I sat down on the toilet I felt a large clot come out of me. It was the biggest one yet. My heart sank so hard. I didn't even have to look, but I just knew it was the baby… and I fished my baby out of the toilet.

It was a greyish, round mass covered in clots. There were a few whiter spots… and I just… actually couldn't keep looking. I was afraid of what I might see. But whatever was in there was very hidden by the grey. It was like it had been disintegrating within me for weeks. 

My heart hurt so much. I wanted to keep it. But my level of crazy mom already felt so max. I remembered the EPAC nurse saying many people flush the embryo and that was a normal response… I put it back in the water and the toilet auto-flushed so fast I could barely think.

My heart.

I will wonder forever what my baby looks like.

I will wonder forever what our life would have looked like together.

I will wonder forever how it will be when I finally get to meet my little one in Heaven.

I came back out and told my husband what had happened. I think he was a bit relieved that I had said goodbye. And also that this horrific event seemed to be coming to an end. And then extra relieved that I wasn't carrying a massive amniotic sac with me. 

When we finally left the hospital around 10:45 pm, there was a full moon shining over us. A moon that has a lot of different names… but the moon that I saw on May 30th, 2026, was called a Mother's Blue Moon.

We got home and our wonderful babysitter had gotten Mav to sleep and cleaned up our whole kitchen and had done a load of laundry for me. I just have the best people around me.

Mav cried around 1 am and I was so happy to go in and cuddle him. He lay so still so quickly, being in his mama's arms (which isn't always the case). I eventually went back to our bed because he was just sleeping way too close to me, but about 10 minutes after I got in bed he came waddling in, in his sleep sac. He slept cuddled up in Dad's arms the rest of the night.

I tried to sleep. And I did. But the smell of blood on my hands woke me up a few times. Eventually I woke up to the sight of my boys sleeping soundly together across from me… Light was leaking in around the curtains… and I felt blessed at the sight.

For the first time in nearly 4 years I was no longer pregnant or breastfeeding.

It was over.

That day I decided I wanted food that I couldn't eat while pregnant. We went and got some delicious prosciutto sandwiches in Deep Cove and just sat by the water while letting our toddler run wild. I may have bitten off a bit more than I could chew. I felt a bit overwhelmed and had to sit down and eat my sandwich so slowly. 

Mav wanted to go back to the park, he got a little lost and found a grass hill and started sliding down on his butt. He forced his Dad to join him, and we all had a good laugh over it. We got ice cream and picked up steaks to make at home. My mom sent some money specifically to get us steaks to help my body recover. So I had a ribeye that night and it was delicious. 

I've cried a lot about all of this, but I am not afraid to cry.

I am not afraid to feel.

This grief is the grief of a lost dream. Of an unrealized future. It is a tragedy, but I just have to keep walking through it. My future babies depend on me getting through this, and I still trust God. I know He has a plan for our family… and while I never ever wanted to have a baby in Heaven before me, it gives me so much hope. 

I know my little one is living the dream. I know they are at peace. I know that they will never know fear or sadness or pain or heartbreak. My little one in Heaven will greet me one day with a "Hi, Mama," in a voice I have never heard before, and all of this will feel like it never happened.

My heart is broken right now, but God is near to the brokenhearted. I don't hear His voice in a loud way right now, but I sure feel His presence. He is the God who knows my baby and has given me even more hope for Heaven than I ever imagined having.

To my sweet baby – for 11 weeks and 3 days I carried your tiny body. Your life began within me, but you were born in Heaven.

I will love you forever, sweet Victory Myer Riedstra <3.

New Mom Recommendations

Alright. I’ve worked on this list continually through the beginning of my motherhood journey. And I have sent it to many expecting parents. But I thought why not just share it openly? People can look at these suggestions and choose for themselves what they will or will not buy! I like writing reviews! It’s something I’ve gotten into over the years because I like to READ reviews before I buy things or go places. I’m always grateful for the reviewers. So here I shall be your reviewer

As an expectant mother I was asked to create a baby registry… and I was like UH I dunno what I need!? How am I supposed to know that? And I had to dig through the inter-webs and ask all the people and find out what I would need to purchase. It was time consuming but I think I got some very helpful things and avoided too much useless crap. 😂

So if you are here now, dear expectant Mother, it is okay. You do not have to know what you need. Because I have made a super list of things we found helpful. And I will update it as we go. And I plan to have at least one more baby but maybe 9 more so who knows. 😂

New mama recommendations

For mid to late pregnancy I highly recommend some slip on runners. I had some sketchers hands free slip ons so I never had to bend down to put my shoes on. Game changer.

Late maternity undies that are great for post partum as well as they put zero pressure on your greatly expanded lower belly.

Nipple shield “silverettes”. These protect your nips from friction between feedings. They also just keep your nipples in the right shape for when you do feed. Pricey but super helpful in the first month of breastfeeding. Could probably use a cheaper kind for the exact same effect. You only need them about a month until your nipples become elastics. 😂

Lanolin cream for your nips. My midwife told me to put it on and then a piece of Saran Wrap over my nipple to keep it from being absorbed by my bra. Helpful especially if you don’t have nipple shields👌🏻 ALSO there’s a prescription nipple cream.. Jack Newman’s. Ask your midwife. You could probably get it before the baby comes cuz it’s magical and helps so much but you can only use for a week at a time. I have used it on numerous occasions as my son would have sleep regressions or if he got sick and only wanted to nurse in the toddler days.

Burp cloths. Sprinkle them everywhere in your home. 😂 really love cosy cubs muslin ones because they are super absorbent and stay on your shoulder. They work great later on too for cleaning child when there’s less barfing and more solid food all over their face and hair.

Velcro swaddle wraps. These helped him sleep so much cuz he just was more squished. We learned he liked to have his hands up by his face too so we squished him in that way. Sometimes his arms escaped mid snooze but after a while that stopped startling him. But looking back we should have pinned his darn arms down cuz it probably would have helped. I was just such a sucker for him and wanted him to have what he wanted. 😂 Honestly there are probably better ones than these. I would’ve tried the love to dream ones but these are what we used.

As he got a bit bigger we really liked the Halo swaddle. Kept his arms in way better. It’s a little weird giving your baby a straight jacket to sleep in but they love it for about the first 2-3 months😂😅

Pads. I’d probably get a Costco sized box level 2 or 3 absorbency. And if you have time make yourself some padsicles. Truly one of the mostly helpful healing things I received!!! The ones in the hospital also were just frozen with water on them and that was great as well. Like. Such a gift on a sore and stitched up new mom.

Nursing bras. These came with removable cups that are essentially useless hahah. Used these with nipple shields and disposable breast pads. Wear the breast pads for day 3 when your milk comes in. Or you may wake up in a puddle. I honestly got 3 packs of these in all different sizes and they all fit hahaha. They come with a band extender too which is very nice. You’ll want lots because you’ll get milk all over them and your child will puke on you lots and you may have stinky postpartum sweat. 😂 oh the joys!

Kimono style onesies! Or rompers! They are the easiest to get on the newborn baby without too much fuss because they lay wide open. I used to think zippers only but snaps are great for newborns. Zippers are great too but snaps are more peaceful to get on when they are tiny. Our son was born in the summer so all he wore was onesies and was in a little blanket all the time too so we didn’t really need little pants.

Also these snap rompers. They work well with pants overtop as well.

The oogiebear nose picker. I felt oddly concerned about his nose being free of boogers so he can breathe easy while breastfeeding as a newborn. 😂 this thing is a handy little picker. I used it almost every morning. It is probably slightly unnecessary but their nose holes are so tiny they are near impossible to pick yourself.

Nose Frida snot sucker. Alright this thing seems gross but it works. The only thing I find tough is pinning Mav down enough to snot suck him. Also an automatic one might be nice cuz my lungs run out of power with this sometimes. 4 stars but does the trick. I really didn’t want to have to use this but Mav got sick 4-5 times from January to June. It was rough but eventually didn’t phase him or me too much.

Breastfeeding pillow. “My Brest friend” The most comfy way to feed the child. There’s a clip on this so it stays around you. We started cradle hold but then switched to football hold and that was much easier. This pillow made breastfeeding sooooooo much easier. Now that he’s bigger we are back to cradle hold. My only qualm with this is the Velcro for the strap has snagged a few of his cute little clothes so I’d cover it up with something cuz you don’t need more reasons to cry postpartum. Hahaha

Baby nail filer. The child came out with razor sharp little nails to scratch his own face with and also my super sensitive new mom nips. This filer is the one we have and it worked well at first but power seems to have decreased although maybe it’s just a safety measure so you don’t hurt your baby. It stops if you put too much pressure. I’m sure there’s a better one but this was very helpful when he was small. Then he got to strong and didn’t want to sit still so for a while it was near impossible to trim his nails. Now he’s 12 months and I can use regular nail clippers. You could probably use them from the get go but I tried once and cut his finger cut their skin is so thin and smooth. It was sad for both of us lol.

Nuk comfy orthodontic pacifiers. We tried some other ones too that were only okay (avent) but he held onto these best. I would probably try the Tommee Tippee ultra lights too if these didn’t work because the Nuk ones are a bit heavy. I can’t stress how helpful these have been. Helping to calm him in the car, calm him in general, teething, giving something for Dad to offer so the baby can have the sucking hormone help them sleep. Never not having a pacifier baby. Hahah. He also just decided he didn’t want them anymore when he was 17 or 18 months old so we didn’t have to wean him off them thankfully!

Pacifier clips that are just fabric. We got some that have silicone balls and they aren’t very bendable and are heavy. Prefer a simpler one. These are nice and maybe a bit too long though.

Crinkly books. Mav LOVED these when he was little and gave him very much entertainment.

Play gym. Get one. Mavi spent so much time in there lookin around and kicking and yapping. He loves it and it both helps him learn and gives you some time to make yourself food. We got the baby Einstein one. It’s a bit of an eyesore but I was thrilled with it because our baby loved to play in it. The piano broke though after 4 months of use. 😩

Stroller toys. Something to look at in the car. Easy grasp ball. Oball. Sophie the giraffe. Straw teethers. Rattles.

Sleep sacks! Around 3 months baby gets over being swaddled. Wants to free those arms at night and  stab themselves in the eye if they so choose. We had him in the snoo then so it was the snoo sleep sack. But. When we switched him to a regular sleep sack we had perelimpinpin ones at first. They were fine. Now we have Kyte ones. I love them. They are expensive though but everyone sells these on Facebook marketplace when they are done with them so you could get second hand. They pill a bit but if you use a pill shaver they will look brand. 1.0 tog is the most common and ideal for a normalish temperature home 22 degrees. I got a bubble panda one on Amazon that is 0.5 tog for summer and I love it. I’m sure these are just as nice as kyte.

Places to put the baby! “Circle of neglect” great for 5 months - 9 months ish. Like so great. Baby loves it. Gives you free hands to make food. We had the skip hop one that we got used on market place. Some of the best money I’ve ever spent in my life. We also had the ergobaby bouncer for when he was littler. It was awesome. Sometimes he slept in there. It helped with acid reflux I think because it helped him be more upright after a feed. I probably would have loved a swing that was automatic.

The angelcare bath seat. Gives you a break while baby wiggles around in the bath. Loved this. Was sad when he didn’t wanna use it anymore around 7 months.

The snoo. We used this around 1 month to about 5 months old. We were so desperate for sleep. I’m convinced it helped. But was a nuisance because we felt like he wouldn’t nap being still. But eventually he just stopped wanting the motion as they do.

Diaper reviews

Okay so my favourite are pampers swaddlers. They come up nice and high on the back and really absorb well without blowing up like a balloon. They also have a nice scent which I at first thought was dumb. To have fragrance. But I learned to really love that fresh baby smell haha. I have now made a subscription on Amazon and it’s a good deal though sometimes I purchase them at superstore for the best deal.

Pampers baby dry are probably  in second. They are cheaper and near the same ish but I can’t explain why the swaddlers are just better. Both roll up nicely for trashing. If these had a blowout barrier they’d be so much better.

He is using pampers cruisers now too which are like pull ups because around 10 months he started to hate sitting still to get his diaper changed. And he was near impossible to change a diaper laying on his back until he was 21 months.

Rascal and friends. These are pretty awesome tbh. Super sturdy. They have intense Velcro straps that feel ultra strong. I don’t find they absorb poop super well. But they are really well made and feel quite “industrial” my husband says.😂

Kirkland. Surprisingly great and the cheapest diapers out there and available at Costco. They have a blowout barrier and no dimples on the inside. No scent. Patterns are kinda cute too. The Velcro straps are stretchier and longer so they wrap around the baby really well.

Huggies. They expand too much when wet. They have some dimples on the inside that I found would imprint on Mavs body haha. They also are harder to roll up because they get so thick. They don’t absorb evenly. If he had a big pee it wouldn’t carry all the way to the back of the diaper. Sometimes it would leak out the sides instead. Pampers would absorb all way around. They are fine I just grew to like pampers better. But these are sold at Costco.

Hello Bello. They are ok. They have cute designs but they were like low riders in the back. Mav wasn’t a big blowout baby so it didn’t matter much but I always felt like his crack was on the edge of sticking out. I only tried newborn size though so perhaps bigger ones would have been nicer but I already had my favorites.

Mom tools/ wisdom

The huckleberry app.

This has helped us track feeds and sleep mostly. But you can track diapers and many other things. Very helpful to make sure your baby is having appropriate wake windows.

The wonder weeks website (they have an app and book too)

Info about babys “leaps” aka growth spurts aka fussy times. It’s wild to me how spot on these leaps are. Mav had some unexplained super hunger non sleepy times around 4 weeks and it was growth spurt and we survived. 8 weeks there’s a big leap too. And we survived. Just after 3 months he started sleeping weird. We’ve survived. All these leaps are explained in the wonder weeks. The child is more advanced with each leap so while it is hard times it is also good times.

The womanly art of breastfeeding book

So much more than a breastfeeding book. Honestly the best birth advice I read. I was afraid to read about giving birth until a few months before. This made me feel like it was gonna be okay and like my body was designed to do this. And it WAS and IS.

Baby clothes.

I’m a huge fan of old navy. They have tons of deals and most things are really nice quality. Have got most things from old navy for him. Gap is really nice too but wait for a good sale.

We had one snap up 3-6m kyte footie sleeper that was a hand me down from Eric’s sister. Honestly loved it so much when he was tiny. Even getting it used by two babies it was really nice. I have ordered many things through kyte one time on a big sale. I was less impressed. Buy kyte used.

I find I really like the style of H&M but the quality is only ok.

We got a really nice blanket from belan-j that we love so much!!! For the stroller. But honestly we got a ton of blankets. From all the grannies hahaha I have so many knit blankets I dunno what to do with them. 😂

Breastfeeding snacks.

I cannot emphasize enough how hungry I feel and especially felt in the beginning of my breastfeeding journey. You thought you ate a lot during pregnancy? Prepare yourself for the hunger that hits any and all times of day. Nuts, trail mix and dried fruit ( big fan of dried mango) were an ultimate necessity as well as massive amounts of water. Just put snacks right where you’re going to be breastfeeding. Protein bars. Feeding yourself while feeding a human is a challenge but these snacks are very helpful! Get a massive water bottle for your breastfeeding zone.

A comfy chair to breastfeed in. I honestly wish I got a recliner. But I had a decent chair that I’ve definitely slept in while breastfeeding. You will spend much time here.

The slumberpod. Alright. We got this for camping but we have ended up using it over Mavs crib all the time. A black out tent. Breathable. I didn’t realize how much light was effecting his sleep. This helped SO MUCH. We didn’t have to worry about light under the door anymore either.

Maverick’s birth story

I’ve been meaning to share this forever, but it is so special to me that I never quite felt ready ALAS my son is 9 months old today and I feel like sharing! I feel like sharing this for the mama’s who are pregnant and need a birth story that is positive. I feel like sharing this because I love this little baby boy so much that I can’t even describe it and I could shout from the rooftops I’M IN LOVE! I’M IN LOVE, AND I DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS IT. I feel like sharing because it is a story worth remembering. I wrote this within the 1st week postpartum.. in the middle of the chaos.. but I needed to write because I needed to remember the day I became Maverick’s mom, because it is a day from which I will never be same.

39 weeks, July 1st 2023

July 4th. Independence Day. I thought to myself wouldn’t it be funny if Maverick was born today because his name means independent.

We started the day by deciding Eric should go to work. We just had a 4 day weekend together and everyday woke up wondering “is today the day?” I had been having contractions on the weekend but nothing seemed too serious since we had had many days of early labor since June 7th when Mav wanted to try to escape early because he was breech and his skinny little buns were making his way toward the finish line a month early.

Okay. Pause the birth story to explain, Katie…. alright.. my breech baby. Breech just like me.

June 7th. I started to have contractions. I was not due until July 8th. This was not great. I started tracking them. They were not strong or consistent but they were not ignorable. My belly was hard. I was uncomfortable. I reached out to my midwife and she wasn’t too worried but she could probably sense that I was and so she invited me to come into the clinic. She assessed me as they do. Took my blood pressure. Measured my fundal height. And she tried to feel for his position. It had previously been confirmed that he was head down and that he would likely stay that way. But my midwife took her time feeling his position. Really wiggling around. I never really knew that this was okay but they like FEEL the baby while it is in your belly. She looked at me with slightly furrowed brows and said “Katie, I am not positive but I think your baby might be breech.” And so we had a discussion about what would happen if he was truly breech. (two days later it was confirmed with an ultrasound) I would have the option to CHOOSE to have a c-section, I could attempt to birth him buns first but it would be at a different hospital that my midwives didn’t have rights at, or I could get an External Cephalic Version aka a manual baby flip from the outside. But if these contractions didn’t chill out I would have to have an emergency C-section. SO. She told me to go home and rest and keep that baby put because he needed to make it to 37 weeks at least. She gave me something called a moxibustion stick… hahaha this was like maybe one of the weirdest things I’ve ever done but I was desperate for my baby to turn. I was supposed to burn this stick close to my pinky toe. Lol. And so I did. For the next like 5 nights in a row. Eric was also flipping me upside down.. trying to get Mav to turn. We did all the things. I felt it was worth it to try to do my very best to birth him as naturally as I possibly could. AND IT WAS!

For 4 days I had to fast (which was SO HARD being pregnant and fasting!!!) I had to call the hospital in the morning to see if they had a spot to get me in to SQUEEZE MY BELLY. We got an ECV on June 14th and with sooooo much prayer the doctor was able to turn him in my belly. It was incredibly painful but so worth it to me because it meant I had a sure chance of birthing my baby naturally. We were told there was only a 10-20% chance of it being successful and I responded that we were already in the miracle zone being in the 3% of pregnancies that are breech so 10% seemed good! It was only this OBGYN’s 3rd successful flip of her career. The entire room cheered and clapped when it worked, and I burst into tears. 🙌🏻 for the next two weeks I had cramping and internal bruising and bruising from the IV and blood tests but it was so worth it. My midwife was such a hero that day. She just. Was there. Supporting us. Helping to remind me to breathe. Giving us space and kicking the doctors out of the room when we needed some time to think. If this procedure had gone wrong they would have had to whisk us into an emergency c-section THAT DAY. I was so grateful for her. Am still. She hugged me after. Have you ever been hugged by a doctor? Probably not! Anyways THE ECV WORKED. AND HE STAYED DOWN.

So.

Birth day.

Well… “labour day.”

I felt nothing happening in the morning of July 4th. Just my usual tired and incredibly hard to move and roll over pregnant self. I had some cereal and Eric went to work and I went back to bed.

9:30 am I woke up feeling like I’d never eaten in my life and made the quickest breakfast sandwich. During the assembly of said sandwich I received a FaceTime from the Hermkens children (some of my most very favorite kids out there). “Hi miss Katie!! What are you doing???!” So I chatted them up while mowing down some food and my dear friend Debbie invited me  over for an action packed day. I went over to watch her collect a fence from their backyard and other various items and fill up a uhaul to take to the dump. After spending the entire weekend at home “just in case” the baby decided to come I decided to go because I wouldn’t be too far from home if anything started to happen. I genuinely was just along for the ride on this hot July afternoon.

12:30pm I sat in a hot garbage smelling uhaul while Debbie and Brian unloaded it from the back for 10 minutes.

After this we dropped Brian back at their house and returned the uhaul. From there, a childless for the day Debbie suggested we go see our dear friend Ale and her new baby Drew downtown. I had been mostly staying home/close to the hospital for the past week so I was like… okay! Nothings gonna happen fast if it’s gonna happen… right!? But the Holy Spirit really guided me in this moment and I was like… Deb is it okay if I move my car from your place to somewhere in East Van  so I don’t have to come back to North Van and drive home over the bridge in traffic? She said sure! So we grabbed a bunch of snacks for Ale and I got some chicken tenders for myself then moved my car to east van and I hopped in Debbie’s car and we went downtown listening to some old school worship with the windows down ripping in her standard Nissan micra.👌🏻(I feel it should be noted that I had so many chicken tenders during my pregnancy that my brother began to call the baby my chicken tender experiment. I am so glad it was my last meal before giving birth hahaha)

We arrived at Ale’s and Debbie cleaned her dirty feet in Ales sink from the morning activities. 😂 I sat with Ale while Deb asked her all of the questions about her new baby. I was feeling pretty spaced out. Not really hearing a lot of what was being said. But just happy to be with two of my best friends. And then I felt a bit of a gush like maybe I peed myself…? So I quickly got up and went pee for reals. But I was so confused because I had never peed myself before. While in Ale’s bathroom I raided her cupboard for a bigger pad and thankfully this freshly postpartum mom had what I needed. And I came back out and told them… guys I think I peed myself? And they were both like “oh yahhh!! That happens late pregnancy!!” And so I was like. Okay.. sure yah. Its probably nothing! I kept peeing myself a bit here and there but didn’t think much of it. I basically had a diaper on now. It was fine. I’m fine.

Me just after my water started to leak, Ale 8 days postpartum with Drew, Debbie a mom of 4 who is very familiar with all of this.

The last photo of me pregnant with Mav

Deb and I left Ale’s around 4:15 and she drove me to my car and gave me a hug and said “ I’ll see you again before this baby comes” and I was like I dunno Debs I hope not! And got in my car.

This moment was also guided by the Holy Spirit. 4:30pm I texted Eric to see if he wanted a ride home from work. And he said yes. Usually he turns me down because he likes to read on the bus on the way home! So I actually back tracked to go to his work and get him. There was a decent amount of traffic so it took me near half an hour to get there. While I was on 12th and Clark waiting to turn left to go to Midland I had this HUGE crammmmmmp! but I still was not sure if it was the real thing. I assumed it was probably my bowels, so as soon as I got to Midland I waddled past Eric’s young coworker guys and went straight to the bathroom. I found a couple of specks of blood on my pad which was interesting after not seeing blood for many many months. I had also “peed myself” a few more times. I spent 10 minutes in there. Trying to clear things out. But having some big cramps. Cramps that I didn’t know yet were actually labor. And Eric came and knocked on the door to see if I was okay because everyone was ready to go. Slightly embarrassing.

From there I got out and just squatted down by the office in Midland and I tried to be cool but I couldn’t really be cool and Eric was like “have you downloaded the contraction app I told you to get?” And I was like NO can you just do that FOR ME?! Lol. So he did. Immediately.

I waddled out of the store with Eric and the two young guy coworkers and made it to the car. I started timing the contractions that happened in the car all the way home and they quickly went from 5 mins apart to 3.  They were peak pain at 50 seconds in. I was told by my midwives that as a first time mom I needed to wait until I had consistent contractions for 2 hours 3 minutes apart last for 1 minute so we went home. I was like… I think I need to just sit on the toilet again. And my contractions were continuing to be consistently 3 mins apart. Eric grabbed a quick bowl of pasta and was like we are going to the hospital NOW. I was resistant. A rule follower. I didn’t think I was allowed hahahah but I am so glad he didn’t listen to me.

I couldn’t get ahold of my midwife. The urgent line wasn’t going through. And I hadn’t been able to text her. So I decided to what’s app her and it was such a fluke that she checked it. She then called Eric and we were just pulling into the hospital. He couldn’t pick a parking spot to save his life! Just kept driving by open spots… waiting for a better one. I was like JUST PICK ONE BABE COME ONNNNNNN!!!

We went in through emergency and I could not walk in. I found a bench right out front and worked through a contraction. It was also like 28 degrees outside. Eric found a wheelchair to grab me and the people allowed us to completely bypass the huge line at emergency 😂 I guess a woman in active labour is a priority. He wheeled me to get checked in and we made it up to labour and delivery. It was familiar. The same place we had our ECV 3 weeks before.

I immediately tried to go to the bathroom and was really just doing anything possible to try to get comfy. And I could not. There is no ‘comfy’ when your body is contracting with the power of a million suns. I felt so powerful. Like I couldn’t believe my body was doing this. This massive squeeze from the inside. It was WILD. And terrible. We had a young red headed nurse who was just at the end of her shift. She tried to help us and offered me some laughing gas and I think perhaps the idea of it helping me may have helped? Laughing gas seemingly does nothing, I think that’s the joke. Laughable that it helps. It did not. It helped me to breathe perhaps but only for a moment did it make my face feel numb. 😂🤷🏼‍♀️I managed to find some slight comfort on the bed laying on my side. That was all. And that is where I stayed.

My midwife arrived and checked to see if I was dilated and I was already 4cm and seemed to be making good progress. She checked to see if my water had broken and it must have started to leak when I was at Ale’s because the test came back positive. At this point she showed Eric how to help me through some contractions using the gas and putting some pressure on my back and the nurse was there helping as well. When my midwife came back she said… “okay guys… this is my nightmare.” And she proceeded to tell us that there were not enough nurses available to help us and we were the last to arrive so we would either need to go home and potentially give birth at home or go to another hospital. The red headed nurse was then on her way out the door like “bye guys! Nice to meet you and good luck!” 🫠

I was quite literally moaning like a cow, sucking on laughing gas and NOT in a place to be making a decision to LEAVE a hospital. Thankfully, a few contractions later my water fully broke alllllll overrr the bed. Eric HEARD the sploosh before he saw it. But my midwife was quick to notice that there was some meconium in the amniotic fluid and she had another nurse confirm this. That nurse agreed that because of the meconium I needed to be put on an iv and have the baby’s heart rate monitored so this, although kind of alarming, was reason enough for this nurse to be taken from another woman in labour who was progressing much slower and tend to me. And I, most certainly would not be leaving the hospital without birthing this baby!

They started to notice his heart rate would drop after contractions for a bit and I was just praying every single time for this little man and then it would pop right back up. They were going to have an obgyn come assess the situation but my midwife was really on top of it. He always perked back up.. meanwhile I was just in so much pain. The new baby monitor strapped to my belly was another added pressure I just could not deal with anymore. And I was like. On my knees asking Eric if I could get an epidural. Asking him why we decided not to? I want an epidural. Please can I have one. Please. I don’t want to feel this anymore. And he was like “babe no one said you can’t have one!”

My midwife checked me and I was 6cm dilated and so there was still time and in a matter of moments all the lights were turned on and a wonderful Doctor named Dr Gracias came and began to explain some risks of epidural to me and I was like mhm okay yah DO IT please! Lol. After the next contraction passed I have never cooperated more obediently for a needle in my life. They made me sit up and hug a pillow and Eric sat in front of me and I put my feet on his knees and he held my legs still while they taped up my back and gave me the drugs. Like. I think a pre baby version of me may have been like “oh but the needle will hurt!” HAH. It did not.

A few minutes later I took this pic:

Frown lines decreasing. Medicine is a gift. I looked Dr Gracias in the eyes and said I love you. Everyone laughed. I truly meant it though. What a guy. 🫶🏻

From there the chaos took a break. It was 10:15 pm and my contractions continued to come just as strong but I could only feel them about 10%. I got cold all over. And itchy. But I’d take that 100x than the pain I felt before. They covered me in warm blankets cuz somewhere along the line all of my clothes came off hahah. They monitored us both constantly in this time. My sons heart rate continued to fluctuate but always came back up, thank you Jesus. 😩🙌🏻

At midnight I was fully dilated and ready to start pushing. My midwife showed Eric how to help me and I was laying on my side holding up my own knees. I didn’t realize they actually wanted me to hold my breath. One of the first things I knew about my son was that he had a lot of hair. She had me reach and feel it. Before I knew it his head was out. My midwife was like Katie his heads out. And I was so shocked! I was like IT IS?!? And she was like yeah do you wanna try to get the rest of him out… and I was like ha gimme a second.. and then one push and he was here. And my body just felt so much pressure release and he was placed on my chest and rubbed up a bunch until he squeaked and cawed like a little baby bird. He actually lifted up his head and looked at me and in that moment I knew he truly was Maverick. I think I was kinda just laughing lightly and eyes watering looking at Eric and looking at this tiny wiggler. What just happened? I was just going to pick up my husband at work and then all of a sudden I was at the hospital birthing this human 3 days earlier than I was due. He was a guy who shows up early, just like his Father. They gave me a shot of oxytocin shortly after to help my placenta detach. That needle hurt more than the epidural hahaha. But we just looked in disbelief that there was a new human in our lives, FOREVER. I think it took me a while to believe he was actually mine. Like days. Potentially weeks. My own baby. 🥹 they measured him 7lbs 12oz. 54cm long born July 5th at 1:22 am. Not born on Independence day. He had dark brown hair and slightly grey skin haha that turned super pink in time. His hair is now golden reddish like mine, Bless the Lord O my soul. My very own ginger boy. I think I’ve said “ I can’t believe you’re mine,” about 1000 times to him since this day.

They had Eric cut the cord right away because it was no longer pulsing so my placenta must’ve given up not long before Mav was born. It had done it’s job well. The placenta came out with one push. I was empty. Nothing else huge to come out of me. What a relief. 😂my midwife stitched me up. She gave me some freezing first because my epidural had decently worn off by then. She said the stitches were some of her best work. Lol. and I was like great thanks Jenny! I only get one vagina! 😂

From there Eric took a little nap. It was like 3:30 am and he was face first on a couch in the corner of the room. He did so great. I think he was way more traumatized by the chaos of our evening than me. He saw it all and he cannot unsee it. My sweet husband. He had worked all day and then all night. haha. He was tired. I was fired up. I was just sitting. In a pool of blood. Holding my very calm and quiet baby boy. I felt peaceful. Have you ever sat in a pool of blood feeling peaceful? What a day/night! I could hear the mama in the other room having her baby too, and just sat there rooting for her. Get it girl! At some point the nurse told me I would be able to have a shower. So then I don’t really know why but I tried to get up by myself. See if my legs worked. Lol. And they did. But I was still strapped to a machine haha. My IV was out but my epidural line was still attached. 😅 so I was stuck. And the nurse came and was like what are you doing!? Lol.. just standing watching the blood pour down my legs. She unhooked me and helped me to the shower for the most cold shower of my life (because of the epidural) and then literally gave me a hand towel to dry off with. 😂😅 I was shaking like a leaf, note to self… bring a big towel next time.

From there I got settled into one of those hospital gowns that basically is like wearing nothing, and into a wheel chair with Mav all bundled on my lap and we were moved to a new room that we had to pay for. On our way out of labour & delivery Eric got to push a button that played a bell sound in the entire hospital to announce that a new life had been brought into the world. And all the nurses around cheered. It was very special.

Our room was nice. Private. We each had a bed. Mav had a bassinet. I sang “the circle of life” to him while he stared at me through the glass in his bassinet. We hardly slept. We got to change his first meconium poo diaper which was pretty horrible. Lol. I wish we had put diaper cream or vaseline or something on him fresh outta the womb so that nasty poop wouldn’t have stuck to him like that and we wouldn’t have had to fumble around trying to clean that up so hard while he screamed away. Something crazy happened in one of the rooms next to us. To the mom. She was okay in the end but there were alarms blaring and we could see so many shadows of people rushing by our room. It was not peaceful and I wanted to go home but the nice nurses checking on us also made me want to stay. Overall these hours flew by and we left the hospital around 4:30 pm. In and out less than 24 hours. But everything felt much more peaceful once we got home although I did miss having a nurse bring me ice pads every couple hours. Man… those ice pads were such a gift!

All in all. Labour was more painful than I imagined. Pushing was not as hard as I thought. Getting an epidural was a BLESSING. And midwives and nurses are actual heroes. I felt so powerful. And the moment he was ejected from my body was truly one of the best moments of my life. I am SO grateful to God for a healthy baby boy and for keeping me safe in all the chaos of pregnancy and birth and postpartum. I am not the same person I was before. I am Katie 2.0, the mama to Maverick Bennett Riedstra.

Here’s our first selfie together. <3 just me and my boy.